school isz not fun like how it use to be . seriously. i agree that "friends come and go like season". starting of the semester. everything is going perfectly fine. made new friends and interact real well. but as days and months past by. people start to show their true colour . and slowly, we learn each others attitude/character/behaviour . from there we can judge whose the good friend and who those will hit yo from the back. so i started choosing my clicks of friends. ive put hope and trust in everyone of them . but now, everyone change. everyone find new friends. new girlfriends/boyfriends. and yeah, itsz nothing wrong with that. and i dont give a shit. but hey, who am i again? i kno i wasz blooody there for each one of yo. i gave support to everyone and tried my very best not to hurt anyones feeling. am i not being a goood friend? after the holidays , yo treated me like stranger. theres no more "handshake then hugs" anymore. why? takot girlfriend/boyfriend jealous? eh sial la. come on ah sial. i bloody kno yo first before yo(s) were attached la sial. kalau aku nak, siang siang aku dah amek. whats the scared fo? itsz freaking awkward when we're as friend, not talking to each other. and besides, now, all yo(s) could talk about isz them. i mean, i dont mind. itsz okay. but kalau dah sampai 24/7 about them. wth>?! i dont give a hoood la. seriously. who are they to me? fcuk! i jusz misz the old times. seriously. next, assignment and test are giving me a real hard time. one pussyfuck hard time. deadlin are drawing nearer and i macboook is giving me a hard time cusz i couldnt download photoshop cs3/4. and i dont frigging kno why. nak harap kan satu satu tolong, mampos. sumer fikir diri sendiri. for now, im glad i met fyqa azmi and isty rosyanty. i misz ahmad shafiq, maryjane, arina rosli, rathigka, atiqa rosli, amirah asaaari, fizah yusope, aini rahman and nabilah rasul.

family.

its exactly close to five months dad left usz. and i kno yo both are being very very strong going thru every single day of thisz shits. i kno how yo felt. especially yo mom. i kno its not easy spending the past four-five months alone wheres as yo've been spending it with dad for the past 16 years i assume. i kno i kno. i kno yo needed him more then anyone on earth . growing up as a family of three ladies in the house fo the past four-five months is not an easy task. money wasz never a problem fo us but the "bad things" that haunt usz was the problems we're facing. theres no more hero in the house to protect us anymore. mom had to force her self to be strong to face all those shits. itsz no fun. seriously. everynight after prayer, i could hear yo cry mom. and i dont dare to go near yo to comfort yo cusz i kno crying isz the best solution to let out everything. and every time i ask if yor alright, yo'll pretend to be fine and wipe away yor tears. and sister. kno yor alwaysz alone at home waiting fo mom and me to be home. cusz last time daddy use to come home early if hes not busy with work to have late lunch or to rest. and yor alwaysz having late lunch with him watching teevee in the dining room. or end up forgetting to wake daddy up at four-forty five to fetch mom. damn. now, its jusz something we could only remember and not feel. daddy ! i misz yo.

fcuk. im crying so bad now that my dustbin is full of tissue.

thats it. im out.

xoxo